Where do I begin with this because I’m not very good about the subject of “love”. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had boyfriends, some, well almost every last one of them have in some way done me wrong. Cheated, abused and left with nothing but a broken heart and another mess to clean up. But it gets to the point where you ask yourself, “Is it me?”,
I then came to the realization that sometimes it is me or better yet the choices I have made when it came down to picking a partner. Every single time I ended up with someone they were the same, a bad past with other girlfriends, cheaters, abusive and more than likely have a rack of felonies as long as my dads record. So in other words I chose the fools who reminded me of my dad. This is exactly how he was.
I just met my father for the first time last year yes but I can tell you while I lived with him this is exactly how he was down to every last sentence. My dad was a cheater just based on how many Baby Mammas he had and why his two marriages never worked out. He was abusive as hell, I was pregnant with my youngest son DeAnthony at the time, I have four children and he would tell me how sick he was with me because of this fact.
I at the time was 23 and he’d compare me to every person that he knew who was my age and proceed to tell me that they had jobs, knew how to drive, (I’m from New York, to me its a waste of time.) they were driving Mercedes-Benz and had college degrees, (I’m working on it.) There were times he would get so angry that he would curse me out because “you’re a big woman and showing your shoulders.” (Really?) I
I could go on and on but I would just be venting frustration and I would rather save this story for another time. But you get it, I chose people who beat me down and enjoyed doing it. I am still working on it to this day and instead of dealing with idiots I tend to ignore the cat calls from across the street. There was a point and time that I thought maybe I should just treat every man who thinks they have a chance with me the
way I was treated and I find myself doing this to my current boyfriend, even though he has done nothing but love and adore me for the past four months. I told him that I’m only trying to protect myself from future pain and I guess you can say I’m working on that part of me right now. But I don’t easily forgive and I NEVER forget. If I’ve been
hurt once by you, there’s no way in hell I’m going to let you back in my life to do it again. In conclusion, it’s not a bad thing to love, just know what you’re getting into before you do. I hope this teaches someone something, as for me lesson still being learned.
growupkneego 